the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Randomize
