I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
