you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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