And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
