I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
