If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
