your thong is hanging out like whoa
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
two words: eviction party
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
