I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
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