I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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