So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
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OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
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You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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