i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
