i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
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