Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
