i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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