Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia