I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
That moment when the line â€˜If you want a hot body you better work bitchâ€™ in Britney Spearsâ€™ new song comes on as youâ€™re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.