The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
21 Ladies Reveal The Sexiest Thing A Man Can Do In A Public Setting
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.