There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
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I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
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So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.