you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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