The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.