you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
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At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
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I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...