I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.