I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum