i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
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