I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
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