I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
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She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
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Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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