WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
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