what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
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