i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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