Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Damn victory sex feels great
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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