I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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