Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
