i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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