she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
