Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...