I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Randomize
