But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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