Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(248): View more from Michigan

In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer

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(248): In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer http://tfl.nu/p97m

Replies (2) Good night (586) Bad night (1047)
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(209): View more from California

dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity

(1-209): View more from California

nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all

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(209): dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity (1-209): nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all http://tfl.nu/t93h

Replies (45) Good night (15587) Bad night (1757)
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(302): View more from Delaware

I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course

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(302): I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course http://tfl.nu/mcvz

Replies (62) Good night (2054) Bad night (973)
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(541): View more from Oregon

Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading

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(541): Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading http://tfl.nu/n2uf

Replies (31) Good night (2220) Bad night (1224)
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(519): View more from Ontario

dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes

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(519): dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes http://tfl.nu/xjd2

Replies (61) Good night (6185) Bad night (1009)
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(712): View more from Iowa

The police scanner is talking about you again....

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(712): The police scanner is talking about you again.... http://tfl.nu/f6sk

Replies (17) Good night (8594) Bad night (1315)
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(863): View more from Florida

Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.

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(863): Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone. http://tfl.nu/onku

Replies (3) Good night (1953) Bad night (904)
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(601): View more from Mississippi

And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.

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(601): And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob. http://tfl.nu/lvxa

Replies (8) Good night (2481) Bad night (824)
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(706): View more from Georgia

I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.

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(706): I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat. http://tfl.nu/8z1a

Replies (30) Good night (611) Bad night (5963)
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(972): View more from Texas

Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.

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(972): Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate. http://tfl.nu/fawd

Replies (5) Good night (1545) Bad night (597)
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(603): View more from New Hampshire

dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being

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(603): dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being http://tfl.nu/4klh

Replies (1) Good night (887) Bad night (757)
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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out

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(412): I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out http://tfl.nu/phlg

Replies (6) Good night (1029) Bad night (434)
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(506): View more from New Brunswick

Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.

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(506): Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second. http://tfl.nu/am2u

Replies (1) Good night (1202) Bad night (642)
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(818): View more from California

The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.

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(818): The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink. http://tfl.nu/7x1a

Replies (2) Good night (282) Bad night (676)
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(989): View more from Michigan

So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?

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(989): So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me? http://tfl.nu/cm4x

Replies (8) Good night (285) Bad night (612)

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