Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.