Are you dead
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
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I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
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he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.