my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I'm too high and old for this...
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
