no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
where does the pee come out of this thing
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
