Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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