pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
