Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
