508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
