Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
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