so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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