Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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