..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
