The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Randomize
