That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
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You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
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I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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