Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Randomize
