Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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