there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
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