Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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