Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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