Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
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