Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
