i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
