Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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