Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
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