Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
