Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Randomize
