TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
