soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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