You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
