Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
