I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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