My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
