Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Randomize
