yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
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I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
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When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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