U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
There's even glitter on my cock...
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