Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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