If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
