Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
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I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
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my poor anus
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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