Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
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