New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
